


Hidden Turmoil

by flyingoreo



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Child Abuse, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-03 22:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13350711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingoreo/pseuds/flyingoreo
Summary: Everyone doesn't understand why Inuyasha still wants to see Kikyou. The past should be left in the past. But when all of them are teleported inside Inuyasha's mind, they'll soon find out why the hanyou is reluctant to let the dead priestess go.





	1. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted this on FF.net.
> 
> This story is already complete, but updates can possibly be slow here. If you want the finished version, you can check it out on Fanfiction under the same title or search my username thelittletaco.

 

_i._

 

Inuyasha watched as Kagome, once again, ignored him. It had been three days. He wanted to pull his own hair. What had he done wrong?! She refused to ride on his back. She refused talking to him. Worst of all, she refused to even look at him.

 

Had he mentioned that he wanted to pull his hair at her behaviour? Yeah? Well, make that two times for today then.

 

It all started when he saw Kikyou's Soul Collectors flying around in his forest. He told the others that he wanted to see her and left. After he returned, Kagome talked less until none with him. Everyone kept telling him that he should apologise, that he should make Kagome feel better. He asked why, and they wouldn't give him a straight answer. But he heard their whispers; saying that he should care about Kagome's feelings.

 

It's not like this happened the first time. It had happened before. Again, it was after seeing Kikyou. He had wondered deeply, and had started to see a pattern here. So every time he sees Kikyou, Kagome starts to ignore him. Was she jealous? If so, why would she? It wasn't as if there was anything happening between them. He just wanted to know if the dead priestess was fine. Besides, Kikyou had died because of Naraku, and it was in betrayal too. He couldn't stand not checking her out once in a while. He needed to make sure that she was okay.

 

What was so wrong with that? He just talked to Kikyou. Okay, at certain times he may have wanted to hug her, but that's the max to it, and it was only because he wanted to ease her pain. He could tell that she was suffering after her resurrection, even if she wore an indifferent mask. _She_ wasn't the one that wanted to be revived as a walking dead. She was forced to come back to this world.

 

Back to the point, he did nothing more than hug her!

 

So why was Kagome so upset with that?

 

The others were looking at him with disappointed expressions. By others, he meant Shippou and Miroku, who were shaking their heads from afar. Kagome was sitting with Sango in the distance, having a serious conversation with the taijiya. Her eyes sometimes flickered to his direction, but before he realises it, those brown orbs wasn't on him anymore. Subconsciously, his ears flattened on his head, but he remained his usual gruff facade. Was she talking about him? Was she planning to leave?

 

Should he apologise to her?

 

He was met with silence, since now, the others were occupied with talking to each other. Even Kirara kept herself busy—all snuggled up on Sango's lap.

 

He was sitting under a tree, his legs crossed and his arms hidden in the sleeves of his suikan. His eyes went downcast as more questions started forming inside his brain. He took another glance at the miko and sighed. He was on the verge of standing up, walking to her, and apologise to her.

 

Should he apologise?

 

Silence.

 

**No.**

 

He inwardly flinched at the voice of his demon side.

 

*** * ***

 

"Maybe I'm just acting childish," Kagome said as her eyes averted from the taijiya's. She bit her bottom lip, "I mean, it can't be helped that he still loves Kikyou. I don't know, I just..." she looked up to her friend's face. "What should I do?"

 

Sango smiled faintly at her. "You don't have to do anything, Kagome-chan. You know, you're the nicest person I've ever met. If I were you, I would've 'sat' him a hundred times," she observed Inuyasha from the corner of her eyes. "By now, he should know, and the very least, try to understand your feelings. Kikyou is dead, meanwhile, you're alive. He should get that through his skull."

 

Kagome smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She had forced herself to stay away from Inuyasha. Inuyasha had always went to her—to Kikyou. It hurts to see him go to the dead priestess, and she felt worse knowing that Kikyou wants to bring him into hell with her. One could say that she was jealous, and she couldn't help and admit that she was, but could they blame her? She had been trying to express her feelings to him, to show that she cares too, but Kikyou would always come in and ruin her efforts. It wasn't fair. Does she have to die to make Inuyasha realise that she... too... loves him?

 

"I can't believe it," Kagome heard Shippou say, and she turned her head to his direction. "The idiot still doesn't understand, huh?"

 

"Kagome-sama, are you feeling better?" Miroku commented as he walked to her way with Shippou beside him.

 

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," she answered.

 

Her friends have been supportive with her, telling her things like _don't worry_ , or _he'll soon understand_. She was glad that they were with her every time Inuyasha leaves. Even if she had forced herself to allow the hanyou to go to the dead miko, she still felt lonely and hurt. But the others were always there to help her overcome the pain, and usually, she does. Soon, everything would return normal. Inuyasha would show some sign as an apology, and they would talk like usual again.

 

But why does this time feel different?

 

*** * ***

 

Mixed emotions were swirling inside the hanyou. It was worrisome. This time, it wasn't because of Kagome ignoring him. There was this emotion that was... different than usual. Sure, he felt a little betrayed, hurt and angry for his group to ignore him, but this time... there was hatred.

 

It wasn't a lot, just a tiny bit, but it was still worrying him. He had never felt hatred towards them for ignoring him... or siding with Kagome. So why was this time different? Wait, this time _was_ different. Before this, his demon side had never made any comment about Kagome, or if he had a conflict between his group members, but now, his demon side was actually expressing his opinion. It was scary... yet reassuring?

 

He frowned to himself and answered his demon, _But Kagome's mad at me. I have to apologise_.

 

It took a few moments before his demon side replied, **Why?**

 

 _Because it's my fault, dammit!_ Inuyasha thought angrily as he gritted his teeth, ignoring the hatred coming from his demon side. _I know that Kikyou's the reason why she doesn't want to talk to me. I know... Kagome is... she... she's probably hurt..._

 

**So it's your fault now?**

 

_Isn't it?_

 

His head was voice-free for a moment, but then it came back.

 

 **This is why I hate humans** , Inuyasha flinched, but only slightly, by the inner voice. **I have to admit, Kagome _is_ nice to us, and to you, but can't you tell that this isn't your fault? You've done nothing wrong. All you did was see Kikyou.**

 

_And Kagome's probably hurt by that. We both know that she has feelings for me... she even made it obvious._

 

**Yet, you choose Kikyou.**

 

_That was before!_

 

**So now it's different?**

 

Inuyasha swallowed a lump in his throat, not liking the bitter sound his demon side was making. The bitterness in the demon's voice wasn't directed to him, though. It was directed to someone else.

 

_Yes..._

 

**And you didn't tell her?**

 

 _Well, _sorry_ if my actions weren't obvious all this time. I thought saving her and basically sacrificing my entire life would help her realise it, but I guess I was wrong. I never had to tell her before that I chose Kikyou because she just knew it. So I thought... maybe she would know by now_ , Inuyasha frowned as the sadness started poking at his heart. _Maybe Kagome isn't really good at reading my feelings after all..._

 

 **No, she isn't** , his demon side almost clipped.

 

_Do you think she hates me? Do you think... I don't know... that she won't talk to me forever? It's been a few days now... Maybe I should just start with the first move?_

 

He could feel his demon rage in his head, and he had to clutch his hand over his chest to calm it. Tessaiga was probably playing a big part, or he would've shifted into demon mode by now. He took deep breaths, confused on what made his demon side so angry. Usually, it was just silent. Maybe it had been taming itself all this time, and had reached its limit?

 

Before he could think of something in his head, his demon side had beat him to it.

 

**_Don't_ apologise.**

 

*** * ***

 

Miroku deeply sighed. Why can't Inuyasha just make the first move? The problem in their relationship is that both of them were really stubborn. Sure, there were times when Kagome gives in and apologises to him first, but usually, when it comes to Kikyou, Inuyasha would start with his apology first. It doesn't matter if it was a small action or gesture, but it would help things settle between the two of them.

 

Sango knew what Miroku was thinking and turned her head to the side to look at the hanyou. Surprisingly, Inuyasha had his eyes closed, his head leaning at the back of the tree. Was he sleeping? She couldn't tell from the way he was leaning back. She knew that he was only half-asleep, since his senses were always on full alert, but still, was he taking a nap? That was odd if her guess was true. Inuyasha never took naps.

 

"I'm gonna go and give him a piece of my mind!" Shippou declared as he stomped his way to the napping hanyou.

 

"Wait, Shippou-chan! You don't have to!" Kagome half-shouted just in time before Shippou was out of hearing range. The kitsune spun, his brows furrowed. She repeated, "You don't have to, really. Things will get better soon."

 

"No, Kagome," Shippou said firmly as his arms were crossed. "Inuyasha is just being a stubborn jerk!"

 

Shippou couldn't stand it. He saw the pained look Kagome had when she nodded to Inuyasha; an indication that she allowed him to go. The hanyou then went to the forest that day, leaving Kagome in sorrow, and not suspecting a thing. The idiot should've apologised by now, but that wasn't the case this time. It's time for him to get things moving, and Shippou was determined.

 

"Oi, Inuyasha!" Shippou shouted as he was approaching the—sleeping?—hanyou. "Inuyasha, I know you're not sleeping! When are you going to apologise to Kagome?!"

 

But something was wrong, he could tell.

 

Inuyasha's ears didn't even twitch when he came. Surely, the hanyou could've heard his footsteps. But he could tell... that Inuyasha wasn't alert to any of the noises he made. It alarmed Shippou and he quickly leapt onto the hanyou, his ear on the hanyou's chest. When he heard the sound of Inuyasha's heart beating steadily, he sighed in relief.

 

"Shippou-chan!"

 

"Is Inuyasha okay?"

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"He's... He's breathing but..." Shippou removed the ear from Inuyasha's chest. "He's unconscious."

 

"What?" Kagome asked, her voice having the tone of someone panicking.

 

They heard a cackle, before an old woman appeared out of thin air. She held a wooden staff in her hand, her long grey hair reaching below her shoulders. Her eyes were blue like the ocean, and it held wisdom. Her appearance would make anyone think she was some kind of witch ready to place a curse on them, but that wasn't it for her. Everyone was left confused... this person held no sign of evilness.

 

"Who are you?!" Sango shouted and reached for her Hiraikotsu behind her back. "Are you the one who did this to Inuyasha?!"

 

"Calm down, Sango," Miroku said, and turned his head to face the old woman. "It's hard to believe, but... there are no traces of evil in her aura."

 

"What? How is that possible?" Sango asked in shock and glanced at Kagome for confirmation. The young miko nodded, but her eyes were focused on the old woman.

 

"Now, now, children," the old woman said and waved her staff around. "Be good and _have a nice nap_."

 

All of a sudden, everyone was struggling to keep their eyes opened. Their heads lolled forward, and the next thing they knew was that they collapsed on the ground, barely concious. The last thing they saw was the woman chanting something, her staff above her head and magic was released.

 

*** * ***

 

Everyone screamed when they fell into a pit of darkness. It seemed like a never-ending trip, but finally, they reached the bottom of it. Miroku was the first to get up, rubbing his bottom due to the landing. He then looked around at the rest of his companions. They started stirring and slowly getting up from their lying positions.

 

"Where... Where are we?" Kagome asked, her voice slurred.

 

"I'm not sure," Miroku replied and realised someone was missing. "Inuyasha's not here."

 

"What?" Sango said moved into a sitting position. "Oh no. Could it be that she trapped us here and take him away?"

 

Before any of them could reply, there was a glowing white light on the ground, and the surrounding darkness shifted into a village. Their eyes scanned the area, and they could immediately tell that this wasn't Kaede's village. The old woman must've teleported them here. They heard the sounds of children laughing, and they nodded to each other; a silent agreement to ask the villagers where they were. All of them approached a small crowd near a bridge. The children seemed to form a circle and their attention was focused on something. In the midst of the crowd, they could hear a very faint whimpering.

 

Kagome tilted her head to see what had gotten everyone's attention, but gasped in horror when she saw a tiny Inuyasha, curled into a ball with hands over his ears, getting kicked by the children.


	2. His Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. We're already halfway through the story. Which means, yes, there are only four chapters.

 

_ii._

 

" _Inuyasha _!"__

 

Kagome didn't understand. She didn't know why the hanyou was as big as Shippou, or why the village children looked like they were about to kill him. One thing she _does_ know is that she had to get him out of there. So without any further thought—knowing she could always come back to the questions in her mind later—she rushed forward, not sure if she felt it when she pushed those village children aside. As she was about to reach Inuyasha's body, her hand passed right through his curling form, as if she was a ghost.

 

"What the..." she said as she extended her hand again and it passed right through as if Inuyasha wasn't there. "Why can't I—"

 

"Die you filthy half-breed!"

 

"You're an abomination!"

 

"You're lucky your mom is still alive, or else we would've kicked you out of the village from the start!"

 

The village children scattered and Kagome took a step back when Inuyasha pushed himself up. Her heart ached when she saw his bruised face. He simply wiped off the blood that had gotten onto his forehead and started walking back to wherever he was going. He doesn't seem to notice her presence at all. Another thing, the village children said that Inuyasha's mother was alive. Does that mean... this was a memory?

 

"Everyone," Kagome said as she saw the confused look on her friend's faces. "I know this sounds crazy, but I think we're in Inuyasha's head."

 

"How?" Sango said, and gasped. "The old woman..."

 

"But I fail to understand why she brought us here," Miroku said and scratched his head with his staff. "Nonetheless, I would like to see what has made Inuyasha... _Inuyasha_. He rarely talks about his past, moreover, avoids it. But from what I just saw, I can assume it won't be pretty."

 

"Inuyasha..." Shippou said so quietly, that Kirara was the only one that heard. The nekomata, in her tiny form, rubbed her head against his leg, making the kitsune smile.

 

"I agree with you, Miroku-sama," Kagome said and pointed to the direction little Inuyasha went. "I want to see his past too. Let's follow him."

 

Everyone quickened their steps to where tiny Inuyasha headed. Apparently, they had to slow down because the little hanyou was limping. Everyone had a sympathetic look when Inuyasha only frowned, but didn't cry. His eyes were almost dull, but thankfully, there was still light shining inside those golden orbs.

 

All of them had to halt when, out of nowhere, a small black-haired Inuyasha appeared. He was floating, and was transparent.

 

"You should tell Mother that the village children are hurting you," human Inuyasha said as he floated beside the tiny hanyou.

 

_"She doesn't have to know. I don't want to be a burden to her. Besides, she's the princess here, and her family needs her."_

 

They noticed that Inuyasha wasn't moving his mouth while talking, so the group assumed that the hanyou was actually thinking—which was also communicating with his human side.

 

"But it's getting worse. Your last injuries hasn't even healed yet!" human Inuyasha argued.

 

_"So what? I'm not some weak human, you know. I'm a half-demon too. I'll heal in no time."_

 

Inuyasha ignored the rest of his human side's arguments. Kagome and the others could only observe sadly how tiny Inuyasha handles it. He wouldn't admit it that he was hurt, just like their real Inuyasha. They wondered how long it took for the village children to beat him to make him become like this. And he was only a child. He shouldn't feel like he was a burden.

 

They watched as Inuyasha entered an area, which in front of him lies a building that looked like a palace. They could only hope that the hanyou had it better at home.

 

They noticed that Inuyasha was approaching a woman with long black hair. She had pale skin and a beautiful pair of violet eyes. From the way she was looking at Inuyasha, they could tell that this was Inuyasha's mother.

 

"Inuyasha!" Inuyasha's mother exclaimed and ran towards the hanyou. "What happened to your face? Are you alright?"

 

Inuyasha gave a smile, which the group realised was forced. "I'm fine, Mother. I... I went to the outskirts of the village, and the demons caught me and attacked. But don't worry, I managed to escape."

 

"Oh, Inuyasha! I told you many times not to go near that forest. What were you doing there?"

 

"I wanted to hunt down for food..." Inuyasha lied.

 

"You don't have to, child," Inuyasha's mother cooed and stroked his hair. "Come. I'll ask the servants to prepare you a bath, and call a healer to tend your wounds."

 

Inuyasha nodded. He sighed inaudibly when his transparent human version appeared at his side again. Though, it doesn't look like he could see his human side floating near him. The group could only guess that Inuyasha couldn't actually see his human form, but can feel when it's there... talking to him.

 

"You're a liar. _Humans_ attacked you, not demons," human Inuyasha said.

 

 _"Humans, demons... does it matter?"_ Inuyasha thought out loud, which silenced his human side. _"Humans can be demons too."_

 

Everyone hesitated to continue and follow Inuyasha. They weren't sure if they could handle what they were going to see next. So far, none of the things they saw were positive. But in order to learn his past, they all nodded to each other and stepped inside the palace building, gasping in awe at how huge the structure is. If Inuyasha's mother was truly a princess, then having a full-blooded demon as a husband must've been a really big deal.

 

They stopped abruptly when they heard a female voice hissing quietly.

 

"Stand still you dirty half-breed! Do you think I like doing this any more than you do? If you want to get over with it, then quit your movements and endure it!"

 

They all turned into a room and found a female servant scrubbing Inuyasha's tiny back vigorously. She ignored the small whimpers coming out of the hanyou. Inuyasha was in pain thanks to the bruises on his back, and her rough treatment wasn't doing anything to make it any better. Half of Inuyasha's body was under the water, while the other half was exposed to the merciless servant. She continued rubbing his back, until the skin turned red.

 

"Why are they so cruel to him?" Kagome whispered, her voice loud enough for only a nearby person to hear, which happened to be Miroku.

 

"Even if his mother is the princess of these lands, it seems the treatment used on her doesn't apply to her half-demon child," Miroku commented. "I heard half-demons are shunned by humans, but I didn't know it was this bad."

 

All of a sudden, the memories they were seeing started to waver, and everything turned pitch black again. Shippou jumped at the aburpt change of atmosphere, and immediately clung onto Kagome's leg. They were back into the pit of darkness for a while, until a familiar white light appeared on the ground, and the whole darkness shifted into a person's hut. They all blinked in confusion. A minute ago, they were seeing Inuyasha being treated roughly by a servant. Now, they were inside someone's hut.

 

They all gasped in horror when the child-like Inuyasha was thrown harshly on the ground. The hanyou's ear-piercing scream was the only indication they needed to know that this was something much, much, worse than the servant.

 

A man entered the room and brought a whip, dragging the tail on the ground. He swung the whip, causing a loud thud on the ground during the impact. Inuyasha backed away, trembling, until his back reached the wall of the room. The man walked like a predator with its pray; slow and menacing. When he reached right in front of the little hanyou, the group was disgusted when a smirk appeared on his face. Without warning, he backhanded Inuyasha, and the whip in his hand flew directly to Inuyasha's back.

 

"This is what happens," the man said as he whipped Inuyasha, ignoring the cries coming from the child, "when you're born. Do you really think just because your mother was a princess, she wouldn't die? Well, now that she's dead, we won't have to hold back anymore."

 

The back of Inuyasha's suikan was torn from the whipping, and blood started drawing out from his flesh. Inuyasha didn't beg for it to stop, only let out sounds that he was in pain.

 

"You understand why we're doing this, right? It's because you're an _abomination_. You shouldn't have been born," the man continued talking as the whipping never stopped. "Hey, hey, hey, you better not pass out. I'm doing the villagers a huge favour here by punishing you. Wait, no—oh, come on!"

 

Inuyasha had just vomited on the floor, and it earned him another hard slap across the face. The man brought Inuyasha's small frame towards his face by lifting him up by his hair. Inuyasha's eyes were half-lidded, and the man doesn't seem too pleased that the hanyou was losing consciousness. He let go of the silver hair, dropping Inuyasha unceremoniously on the ground.

 

"Look at what you've done," the man sneered and crouched to bring his face closer to the coughing hanyou. "I want this place cleaned up when I return. _Or else_."

 

The man never had to finish for Inuyasha to know that there would be consequences if he doesn't obey. The man left the room and Inuyasha resumed lying on the floor, his body limped.

 

The group who had just witnessed what had happened were shocked. Kagome was trying to calm the terrified Shippou; who had his eyes covered during Inuyasha's beating. Sango, at one point, couldn't take it anymore and looked away. Miroku was the only one who was able to watch the whole scene, though, a deep frown had formed onto his face.

 

"Houshi-sama, I'm ashamed of being human now," Sango said with anger in her tone. "How could they do something like that to Inuyasha?"

 

"What makes it worse is that, Inuyasha did not fight back, even if he has the power to do so," Miroku replied with a heavy sigh. "If I was Inuyasha, I wouldn't have held back and, instead, attack."

 

Kagome, who noticed that everything was wavering again, realised that they were going to see another part of Inuyasha's memory. Her eyes went downcast to the shivering kitsune. "Don't worry, Shippou-chan. It's gone now. I hope it's not—"

 

Her sentence was caught off midway when she saw an adult Inuyasha walking across the forest, a scowl on his face and eyes roaming the surrounding area as if in search for any enemies. She wasn't sure what the memory was going to show, but one thing for sure was that, this must be Inuyasha before he met her. Which means, this must be the time when Kikyou is alive.

 

But her thoughts were cut off when she heard someone shout, "What the hell?!"

 

Everyone whipped their heads to where the voice came from, and froze when they saw Inuyasha with ebony hair—which was human Inuyasha. His violet eyes were staring at them, wide-eyed, mirroring their exact expression. They noticed that this Inuyasha wasn't part of the memory, since he could obviously see them. After a short staring contest, Inuyasha snapped out of his daze.

 

"What are you—" he shook his head, " _How_ —?"

 

"It's a long story," Kagome said and stepped forward, which unfortunately, made human Inuyasha step back. She blinked, "Inuyasha?"

 

"You can't... You can't be here..." human Inuyasha muttered, his voice somewhat hurt. "I'm sorry. But after what you did to _him_ , I can't allow you to continue and wander inside our head."

 

Kagome was confused. "Did what to who?"

 

"To—"

 

" **What the hell?!** "

 

Human version of Inuyasha turned his head towards a full-demon Inuyasha. They could tell it was Inuyasha's demon form by the crimson eyes and purple jagged marks on his cheeks. Just like human Inuyasha, demon Inuyasha doesn't seem too pleased with them being inside his head.

 

" **What are _they_ doing here?!** " demon Inuyasha hissed at human Inuyasha, as if they couldn't hear that he was talking about them.

 

"That's what I would like to find out," human Inuyasha answered, and glared at the group. "Explain how you got here."

 

"Some old woman brought us here, which apparently, is in your mind," Kagome explained. "But that's not it. Inuyasha, we saw your past—"

 

"Well, you shouldn't have," human Inuyasha snapped.

 

"Hey!" Shippou shouted and hopped onto Kagome's shoulder. "What's wrong with you?"

 

"Me? Nothing's wrong with me."

 

"Then why are you acting like a jerk?!"

 

The violet orbs that belonged to human Inuyasha widened, before it narrowed dangerously, sending shivers down Shippou's spine. "Me? A jerk?" he started laughing, and the sound almost turned into something hysterical. "Listen, _runt_ , you think I'm acting like this for no reason? Well, let me tell you that it's because of you," he pointed a finger to the rest of the members, "and _them_ , I'm like this!"

 

"Well, you have no right to act like a jerk, especially to Kagome!" Shippou yelled bravely. "You left Kagome for Kikyou again. Do you have any idea how much it hurts her?!"

 

"Shippou-chan..." Kagome whispered.

 

The lips of human Inuyasha were pressed into a thin line, and the demon Inuyasha glowered at Shippou.

 

Everything turned silent, and somehow, they could feel the murderous intent flowing out of demon Inuyasha. Demon Inuyasha, on the other hand, felt like he shouldn't get involved. He had no feelings for a human wench, so this had nothing to do with him. Even though he was disappointed that his dominant didn't find a youkai as a mate, but if his dominant had chosen a human, then he would have to accept his choice. Still, that doesn't mean he would accept those that treats his dominant badly.

 

After what it seemed forever, human Inuyasha finally spoke, "Why does it hurt when I see Kikyou, Kagome?"

 

Kagome looked at him, shocked. "I..."

 

When Kagome couldn't complete her sentence, Sango decided to help her, "Inuyasha, you should know by now that Kagome-chan has feelings for you. You have to understand that Kikyou is dead, and it hurts Kagome-chan when you leave her for Kikyou. I know it's hard, but you have to let go of the past."

 

"But why can you see Kohaku?" human Inuyasha whispered angrily. "He's dead, isn't he? He's only alive because of Naraku's jewel shard," he then looked at the others, his lips pulled back into a snarl, "How come it's okay for Sango to see Kohaku, while we can't see Kikyou?!"

 

"I... That's..."

 

"Inuyasha," Miroku said, his voice calm in order to avoid angering the human Inuyasha further. "Kohaku and Kikyou-sama aren't the same. Kohaku is Sango's brother, while Kikyou-sama is, well, your..."

 

Everyone stared at the monk in awkward silence, noticing that the monk never finished his sentence.

 

Human Inuyasha glanced at Kagome, a defeated sigh escaping his lips. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Kagome. We never meant to hurt you whenever we go to Kikyou. And honestly? Our dominant had _just_ figured out that the reason why you don't wanna talk to him is because of Kikyou. I guess... our dominant is really bad at reading people's feelings, and expressing his own to others," he said and averted his gaze to the forest. "I know you're probably still hurt that he went to Kikyou the other day, but you _have_ to understand why he does it. I can show you why he keeps going back to her."

 

Kagome fidgeted with her fingers. "Inuyasha, I... I'm sorry that I've been acting so childish. I know it's wrong to keep you from going to Kikyou, b-but I need to know if you... if you still love her..." she then let out a half-hearted laugh. "I know this is messed up, but I just..." she met his violet eyes. "I have to know whether you still like her or not. I can't... I just..."

 

When human Inuyasha didn't answer immediately, she was starting to think that maybe Inuyasha _still_ loves Kikyou. But his next sentence gave her hope.

 

"That's something you have to ask our dominant about," human Inuyasha said with a faint smile, and decided to elaborate, "By our dominant, I mean, the _real_ Inuyasha. Not me, not his demon side, but the hanyou you know."

 

"You mean, Inuyasha-Inuyasha?" Miroku asked.

 

"That's what I just said."

 

"Can I... Can we see him?" Kagome questioned.

 

Unfortunately, human Inuyasha and demon Inuyasha shook their heads in sync. Demon Inuyasha responded, " **Not a good idea at the moment. He's—** "

 

Both Inuyasha's eyes widened, and a horrified expression took over both of their faces. The group looked at each other, confused on why the sudden change of expression.

 

" **Dammit! What is he _doing_?!** " demon Inuyasha clipped and shot a glance towards his human form. " **Go check on him! If he goes any further, we won't be able to save him!** "

 

Human Inuyasha nodded vigorously and disappeared in a blink of an eye, leaving the group members puzzled. One thing they could conclude from just now was that something happened... and it wasn't good.

 

" **That idiot!** " demon Inuyasha roared and faced his pack. " **All of you stay here and _don't_ explore any further. Although I'm still mad at all of you, but go and see our memories with Kikyou so you can finally understand our dominant's relationship with her. I have something I needa' handle.** "

 

They heard demon Inuyasha murmured to himself that this was happening because of them, but before they could ask what was so urgent, demon Inuyasha was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have faith in me people. And thank you to those who had left a comment.


	3. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I totally forgot about this site for a while lol. Well, hope you enjoy this chapter, because the next is going to be the last.

 

_iii._

 

Kagome stared at where the two Inuyasha's once stood. The way the both of them had exchanged expressions, she could tell that something was going on. She took a step forward to go and search for Inuyasha, but a hand was placed on top of her shoulder, stopping her. She turned her head and found out that Miroku was the one holding her.

 

"Kagome-sama, I know that you may not like this, but I think we should listen to Inuyasha, and look at his memories with Kikyou-sama," Miroku said. When he saw the frown displayed on Kagome's face, he stated, "I know it can be painful, but I think Inuyasha wants us to see something that we may not understand."

 

Sango shot Miroku a look, then turned to look at Kagome. "You don't have to, Kagome-chan."

 

"No, it's fine," Kagome said and gave her friend a reassuring smile. "It's in the past anyway, so I think I'll be okay. Besides, I want to do this and understand what Inuyasha—I mean, human Inuyasha—wants me to see."

 

Sango gave a hesitant nod. "If you say so."

 

Everyone gave Kagome some time to prepare herself. She took a few deep breaths, and clenched her fists in determination. Maybe Miroku was right. Maybe Inuyasha—or maybe just human Inuyasha— _wanted_ her to see something that he may have not been able to explain personally. Knowing Inuyasha, he wasn't the type of person to easily open up about his past, moreover, answer questions when it involves about love. So this was the perfect opportunity to find some answers.

 

She felt a hand over her shoulder, and she turned her head to find Sango looking at her with a concerned expression. "You really don't have to do this if you don't want to, Kagome-chan."

 

"No, it's okay," Kagome said, then, her face turned into one that held many questions. "I need to know what Inuyasha is trying to make me see. Maybe it would help me find out whether or not he still loves Kikyou?"

 

Sango sighed, before she nodded to her friend.

 

The group walked towards the direction where they saw adult Inuyasha passed by. To be completely honest, none of them knew where they were going. The two Inuyasha's only said to see their memories with Kikyou, but they weren't sure how to exactly find those memories. It seemed that they have to search for adult Inuyasha in order to find it.

 

Their surroundings wavered, and from morning, it turned night. All of them jumped when, all of a sudden, Inuyasha dashed past them. They all looked at each other, and nodded in agreement to follow him. The sun was setting, and soon, they found out the reason for his running. When he leapt onto a tree branch, his silver hair shifted into the colour of obsidian, and his amber eyes were replaced with a pair of violet ones. It turned out that this memory was during Inuyasha's human night.

 

They watched as human Inuyasha kept his eyes roaming around the area, always on full alert for enemies. They continued watching the memory, and later, they discovered that this was Inuyasha's first encounter with Kikyou. While viewing the memory, everyone made sure to keep watch on Kagome's face; planning to bring her out of here if things were too much for her. To their surprise, said miko only observed Inuyasha and Kikyou with full curiosity, and they realised that she was truly willing to know why Inuyasha kept going back to the dead miko.

 

Kagome didn't say anything as she watched. Though, she was overwhelmed with the emotions that were welling inside of her, and found out that she wanted to see more of Inuyasha's moments with Kikyou. It wasn't as if she liked seeing Inuyasha with the dead miko, but she couldn't believe that the Inuyasha with Kikyou was... nicer, less rude, and much more mature. He still had those boyish characteristics; blushing when handing over Kikyou his mother's gift, and acted as if it wasn't a big deal. But he was so much different than when he was with her.

 

Then, she saw the inner turmoil Inuyasha was facing. Because she was inside his head, she could see his real emotions. He was actually really insecure being with Kikyou; always thinking twice before he says things. And, she could see his transparent human side floating beside him, always reminding him to watch his words, watch his actions; that Kikyou was a priestess, that she had to remain pure.

 

And then she watched the moment where Inuyasha told Kikyou that he wanted to be human. She watched as he immediately let go of his goal to become a full-demon; just to be with her. In that moment, she realised, that being a human wasn't what Inuyasha really wanted. But he was willing to go to such lengths in order to be with her. Tears collected at the corner of her eyes as she understood what Inuyasha felt. He wanted acceptance. And when he had it, he would do everything in his power to keep it. He wanted to be with Kikyou because she accepted him.

 

Kagome wiped the tears with her sleeve. She could imagine how lonely Inuyasha must've felt in this world; constantly getting shunned, always in danger... It was no wonder he would want to turn human to be with Kikyou.

 

By observing the memory, Kagome could tell that Inuyasha was being so careful with Kikyou, trying his best not to ruin the relationship he had made with her. To feel accepted... of course he would want to show the nicer part of him. Kikyou was the first person that accepted him after his mother's death. She was a priestess, yet she doesn't see Inuyasha as how the world looks at him. She regarded Inuyasha with his name, she never raised her voice with him, and she never gave him the beads to subdue him. If Kagome had remembered correctly, Kaede said that it was Kikyou who had made the beads. Yet, she had never given it to him.

 

All of a sudden, Kagome felt miserable. She always yell at Inuyasha, constantly argue with him, and worst of all, 'sit' him; even if what he did could sometimes be solved without her subduing him.

 

Noticing Kagome's sour face, Sango asked, "Kagome-chan? Are you okay? We can stop watching this if you want."

 

"No, I..." Kagome looked up to Sango's chocolate eyes. "Sango-chan, am I... am I horrible compared to Kikyou?"

 

Sango's eyes widened in disbelief. "Of course not! Why would you even—"

 

"Unlike Kikyou, I shout at Inuyasha, we argue all the time, and I 'sit' him," Kagome said bitterly. "If you didn't know, Kikyou was the one who made those beads around his neck, yet she doesn't put them on Inuyasha. I mean... I know that I'm not the one who put those beads on Inuyasha, and it was Kaede-baachan, but it really depends on me whether to 'sit' him or not."

 

"Kagome-chan..." Sango said, and her expression softened. She turned to look at the memories of Inuyasha with Kikyou. "Alright, what did you learn when you see Kikyou with Inuyasha?"

 

"That I'm horrible compared to Kikyou?"

 

Sango shook her head, "Other than that."

 

"Um..." Kagome paused as she remembered seeing Inuyasha treating Kikyou nicely. "That Inuyasha is much nicer with Kikyou? Oh, and insults less?"

 

"Yes," Sango said, and placed both of her hands onto her friend's shoulders. "Do you understand what I'm trying to make you see, Kagome-chan? Your relationship with Inuyasha is way better than him with Kikyou. Why? Because he doesn't think twice on what he's going to say. He says what's on his mind, he argues with you without holding back, and sometimes, believe it or not, he smiles after you 'sit' him."

 

When Kagome continued to stare at her dumbly, Sango decided to elaborate, "You see, _that_ Inuyasha," she said as she pointed to the hanyou talking to Kikyou, "that isn't the real him. He acts like that because he wants to be accepted. But with you, it's like he knows, that no matter what he does, or what he says, you'll always accept him for who he is. He isn't afraid to speak what's on his mind, even if he knows that it might hurt you, or at least earn himself a 'sit' for it. He does it because he knows that you'll always stay by his side."

 

"But what does this have to do with him constantly seeing Kikyou?"

 

"I think... the reason why he always goes back to Kikyou isn't because he loves her the way he used to," Sango said, and released Kagome's shoulders, "Well, first of all, maybe it's because he felt responsible that Kikyou died in the hands of Naraku; and it was so easy for him to fall into Naraku's plan. Second, I think the reason why he keeps returning to Kikyou is because he cares about her... as a friend. I mean, Kikyou met him first before all of us, and to add on top of that, she was the first person to accept him after his mother died. So it's only natural for him to still care about Kikyou."

 

"Wow, Sango-chan," Kagome said, almost speechless, and wanted to slap herself for not seeing the answer in the first place. She had been so busy thinking that Kikyou treated Inuyasha better, that she missed the obvious point of why the hanyou still cares about the dead miko. Thank goodness she had Sango to explain it to her. Sometimes, it was better to look it through another person's perspective in order to understand something more.

 

"Woah," Miroku and Shippou added in sync, right after Kagome's sentence. The both of them looked at each other, before Miroku stepped forward, clearing his throat, "Sango, I was not aware that you are... wise."

 

Sango smirked, before it faded. "I have to admit, I was wrong to think that Inuyasha goes to Kikyou only because he can't let go of the past, and still loves her, but after seeing that memory, I think I get it now. It just shows that Inuyasha is serious when he starts caring for someone."

 

Kagome smiled to herself. Yup, Inuyasha may not admit it, heck, probably argues about it till he dies, but in the end, he does care. There were a few times when he showed signs that he cared for her; that time when he visited her because she was sick, and that other time when he brought her to school when she was late.

 

But even if Sango had told her that Inuyasha's relationship with Kikyou was just friends, she still felt uncertain. "But what if... what if Inuyasha actually chooses Kikyou?"

 

Sango thought for a moment, before answering, "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I doubt that's the case. If he really did choose Kikyou, then why did human Inuyasha brought Kohaku into this?" Looking onto Kagome's confused expression, Sango reminded, "Remember? He shouted at us that it's fine for me to see Kohaku, but he couldn't see Kikyou. If Kikyou was more than a friend, then he wouldn't have said something like that; because he knows that Kohaku is my brother and not a lover. Also, why would he want us to see his memories with Kikyou? He could just tell us that the reason why he keeps coming back to her is because he loves her, yet, he had never once use that word."

 

The gears were turning in Kagome's head, and now only did she realise that it makes a lot more sense.

 

Now, she felt bad for ignoring the hanyou after his visit to Kikyou. She understood now what he was trying to show, and she had to admit, it was kind of unfair. Just like with everyone else, he was just showing that he cared to someone he was close with. Sure, he cared Kikyou more deeply, probably more than her—who knows?—but she understood. She understood that Kikyou was the first to treat him like a living being, and showed him acceptance when the world lacked of it. So, it wasn't wrong for him to care more deeply towards Kikyou.

 

Besides, now that she had seen his memory with Kikyou, she couldn't help but smile at the times when Inuyasha did things that he didn't do with Kikyou. There was a possibility that he would've done it with Kikyou if Kikyou had lived longer, but right now, _she_ was Kikyou's reincarnation. Inuyasha had shed tears for her, and Myouga had confirmed that it had been a long time since he did so. Inuyasha had almost sacrificed his whole life for her; pushing Tokajin off the mountain with himself, even if he was in his human form. Now that she had relished her moments with Inuyasha, she realised that maybe she only misunderstood Inuyasha and his intentions with Kikyou.

 

Still, she felt like she should discuss this with Inuyasha himself; just to clear things up.

 

Speaking of Inuyasha...

 

"Where _is_ Inuyasha?" Kagome asked as she spun around to face her friends. "I mean... we already saw what he wanted, so... what now?"

 

Miroku rubbed his chin. "Maybe we should wait for his appearance again?"

 

" **You can't do this!** " they heard a familiar voice shout, followed by loud stomping to their direction. " **I'm serious, you idiot. You better not!** "

 

"Oh, shut up already. There's no other way, and you know it!"

 

"Speak of the devil," Sango muttered as she turned her head to where the direction of the voice came from.

 

They watched as human and demon Inuyasha argue about something, as they made their way to them. They were fighting over something; that much was obvious, but it seemed that if they don't stop, things will be out of control.

 

" **You gotta be kiddin' me—** "

 

"I'm not. Whether you like it or not, I'm gonna do it."

 

" **You. _Wouldn't_.** "

 

"Is that a _challange_?"

 

"Woah, woah, hey," Kagome tried interrupting, but were ignored by both Inuyasha's because of their raised voices. "Inuyasha, cut it out—"

 

" **Ohohoho, you _dare_ challange me, you wimpy human? Get ready, 'cause I'm gonna beat your—** "

 

"Inuyasha, _osuwari_!"

 

She knew that it wouldn't work inside Inuyasha's head, but at least it made both versions of Inuyasha flinch and stop fighting. Only then, the two of them realised that they had already reached where they intended to go.

 

"Inuyasha, what's going on?" Kagome asked as she continued exhanging glances from one to another. "Did something happen?"

 

" **Well? Go on and _tell_ her** ," demon Inuyasha sneered at his human self, while crossing his arms. " **You know it's a bad idea, yet you wanna do it so much. Go ahead and tell her.** "

 

"Will you _shut up_?" human Inuyasha said as he glared daggers at his demon side. "I _am_ going to tell her, so be patient," he said, and mumbled, "Stupid demon."

 

" **Hey, in case you've forgotten, I have enhanced hearing, and I _heard_ that!** "

 

"It's very chaotic just being inside Inuyasha's head," Miroku stated, and everyone, except Kagome (who was too busy trying to stop the two Inuyasha's from fighting), nodded.

 

"Okay, okay, _enough_!" Kagome snapped, and it made both Inuyasha's clamp their mouths shut, even if it was obvious that they had more to say. She inhaled, and exhaled, causing her nostrils to flare like a dragon's. "Now, will you tell me what's going on?"

 

"First things first, have you seen our memories with Kikyou?" human Inuyasha asked, trying not to sound hopeful and desperate at the same time.

 

"Yes," Kagome said, and nodded sadly. "I'm really sorry, Inuyasha. I should've—"

 

"Don't say it. I mean, don't tell this to me," human Inuyasha said and grabbed Kagome's hand. He also added, "or to demon me. The one who you should talk right now is with our dominant."

 

"Your... Why? What happened to Inuyasha-Inuyasha?" Kagome said as she allowed human Inuyasha to lead her to... wherever they were going.

 

She noticed that demon Inuyasha didn't follow, only stayed with her friends, talking about something that she couldn't hear. But by the looks her friends were giving, she could tell that the news wasn't good. Once they were far enough from everyone, only then human Inuyasha responded.

 

"I'm sorry," human Inuyasha murmured, almost inaudibly.

 

Confused, Kagome asked, "For what?"

 

"For being mad at you," human Inuyasha said, and ran a hand through his obsidian hair. "I just... Things had been really complicated."

 

"It's okay, Inuyasha," Kagome said, worry laced in her tone. "But can you tell me what exactly is happening to Inuyasha?"

 

Human Inuyasha frowned, before he reluctantly answered, "It's been happening for a while now, but... our dominant is suffering from depression."


End file.
